Letter Writing

I have insomnia so bad. I haven't had insomnia like this in a very long time. I am so used to passing out in bed and waking up quite naturally by 8 or so in the morning, ready to the face the goddamn day.

Now it is almost 1:30. Haven't been drinking. Only had like, juice, and water and some decaf coffee earlier in the day. I have lost my appetite for most things suddenly, when during my flu I thought I had kept a rather good appettite.

I feel pale, shaken, like my early 18 year old self living on oatmeal packets and chips and salsa being too poor and inexperienced at cooking to eat well at all. Oh, and coffee. Living on plenty of coffee.

Being holed by cold weather isn't helping either. I need to run very hard tomorrow. Maybe even twice. Hopefully Patrick can come by and help me fix my flat tire on the bike so I can at least ride around. The more I stay inside the cocoon, the harder it is to want to go outside. A symptom that happens from nicotene. Depression b/c of all the triggers (alcohal and coffee being just some), and ugh weight gain. I tried the whole water, warm tub, good book thing tonight but I feel there are giant fat veiny spiders running up dully up my legs, and ankles, and thights and around my triceps, throat, itching under the skin. I feel irritated, restless, confused, hungry but having no idea what I want to eat. Most of all I want to be TIRED. I WANT TO BE TIRED. And instead I feel WIDE awake and have trouble concentrating.

I will try writing a letter again.